no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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