New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
