apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
