this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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