I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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