Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize