Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
