Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
