He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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