dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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