I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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