She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
