i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize