Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
