is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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