I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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