We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
