Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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