I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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