he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
