tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
you never un-have a 4some
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
