new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
