So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
