Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
