I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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