Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
