Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
