hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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