And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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