I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
sarcasm needs its own font
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
