i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
