We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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