I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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