Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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