I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize