He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
