guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
