Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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