I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
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