he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
