i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
