well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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