thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My brain says no but my pants say off.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
