I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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