she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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