just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
