life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
