I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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