your room smells of hookers.
And success
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did you just see the Batmobile???
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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