Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
