If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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