Sry I called you an 8
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
