when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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