I wish my penis had an off switch
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is Oprah even human
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
