She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
