With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
