Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
