me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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