I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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