you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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