i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize