idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
