Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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