I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
