I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
