I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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