He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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