Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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