you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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