Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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