you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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