I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
