just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
