you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
