Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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