my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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