Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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