so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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