I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
