This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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