I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
