So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize