Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
