can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
