Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
