i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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