her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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