I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
