Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
