I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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