i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
