there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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