My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
