I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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