Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
