Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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