arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
either way he was missing a nipple.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
