Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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