The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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