I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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