Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
